What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's blow job season.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
