Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
