it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
