Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She announced her abortion via fbk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
