my sisters under your porch take her home
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize