When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
