dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
