I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
