Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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