I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
