Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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