well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
