I can't watch pbs sober anymore
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You took a bar mat shot.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
