Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
