i think i have herpe
just one?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
