and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
