She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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