just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Alive.
So much puke
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
50% drunk capacity currently
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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