He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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