I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
