I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
