We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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