I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
