you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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