he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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