she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
