I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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