he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
