Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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