I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
