The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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