That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
