nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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