I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
