Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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