i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize