found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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