first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
