Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
