He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
