I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
