I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize