Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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