Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
