so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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