That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we're making bets on your personal life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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