honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
