I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
