i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
