Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize