So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
