At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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