yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
