I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
