I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
