You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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