Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
