My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
