pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
