im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
