i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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