I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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