the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drake has all the answers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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