Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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