apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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