I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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