I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
