It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
