if you like me you must not know who I am
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
