sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
