If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
