JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
