sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize