Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
