i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
