I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
