I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
