Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
where are my eyebrows?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
