After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
