college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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