Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
