Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
