Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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