you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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