I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
