why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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