I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
