i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
