My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
