You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
