we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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