***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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