i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
