I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
