she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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