I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
