I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
