Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
