he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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