she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize