I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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