I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
