Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize