You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
