Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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