Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
