I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
