Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
