But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
