You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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