He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
