I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
