i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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