is your mom at the bar?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
