Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
