my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
