Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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