i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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