just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
