My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize